Seasons ...

We all go through different seasons in life and I'm not talking about Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. I feel like most of last year was a season of great loss. We lost so much last year that if it weren't for the Grace of God, I'd probably be like Goldie Hawn in the movie  "Overboard" when she snaps and all that will come out of her mouth is

 "BaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBaBa!"

Of course losing my mother was the greatest loss of all, every morning when I wake up the first thought in my head is that I'm not going to see her today and that SUCKS!! I hate having a free minute and not be able to call her and see what she's doing or when I'm shopping and I see something I know she would like and not be able to buy it for her and most of all I hate seeing how lonely my dad is. It's like he doesn't know what to do with himself. I miss her so much that I get nauseous!

The other loses last year included the loss of few friendships and the loss of our home ... yes the loss of our home! Not many people know but we have been living with Corey's parents since April 2010. (I will write another post about how all that came about because I know several people are in our same situation and hearing our story may be helpful) Sure I didn't post on facebook, "hey everyone, at the age of 30, we're moving back home with our 2 kids!" It was a very difficult decision to make, our closest friends know and have been an amazing support system for us. Through the whole process of losing our home has helped us to see who our true friends are and who we can actually count on when we are going through the "thick of it". We have friends who we thought were close friends but 9 months later, still don't know what our living situation because everytime we talk, it's ALL about them! They don't ask how you and your family are, it's all about what they are going through and what drama they are dealing with ... so if you don't ask, then I don't tell! I've come to see how many one-sided relationships we have and I am perfectly fine not feeding those relationships and watching them fade away. Then there's other "friendships" that want to hear all the details of your "drama" only to make themselves feel better, thanks but no thanks! The great thing is we've grown so much closer to our closest friends! My best friends have been awesome! Not just helping me pack, move, entertain my kids or taking us out when we needed a break but they've consistently made sure we were ok. I am so thankful for their encouraging messages and texts letting us know they are there for us and that everything is going to be ok!

We know that God sometimes has to strip you down to nothing so that He can rebuild you into something that is bigger and better than we can imagine. He stripped us of the unneccessary material objects in our life, a home that was financially draining us and causing extreme stress in our life, He's pruned us of unhealthy relationships that break us down rather than build us up and lastly He took my mother to be with Him. The loss of my mother has left me crushed and dependent on the Lord for strength and guidance. I know I can't get through this without HIM. I NEED His comfort. I NEED His Grace. I NEED HIM!!! I feel stripped and bare but I know that's exactly were HE wants me. Yesterday's church sermon confirmed all of this. Pastor Matthew (who is my best friends husband-I swear she tells him to talk directly at me!) preached on "Loving the season you are in" because if God let you see where he is taking you, you would focus on the destination and not enjoy the journey. Sure this season is painful but it is making us stronger for where He is taking us. (us = Corey & I) We know God has big plans for us so we are excited for this next season of healing, restoration and rebuilding.

This song is my theme song these days....

"You hold my very moment,

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in You, I trust in You.

I believe You're my healer

I believe You are all I need

And I believe You're my portion

I believe You're more than enough for me

Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You,

You hold my world in Your hands"

"Healer" by Kari Jobe